fat tail tales

Basically.. don't get fat. I'm a warning to you all in real life. This is the public service announcement I made at the open mic called Vomity last night, Dec 11, in Olympia WA.

head and arms

From the 710 $how in Olympia, WA on Sep 5, 2019. I told one of my dad's jokes, and then told how I got small arms. Kids always want to know what happened to my arms. Here's one version.

talking about privilege

There's this funny thing about art.. I've drawn a curve really well, then tried to repeat it to match another part of the drawing, but the second curve never matches up at all! In storytelling and comedy, the same thing seems to happen. Below, you can see what I mean. On Thursday, August 8, I tried to repeat what happened just the night before. There was a different energy, and I was trying to "clean up" the material, so I'm not shocked at the differences, but more just fascinated that trying the same thing could come out so differently two nights in a row.

710 $how August 8, 2019

This is the second time I tried this material. I like parts of the first try better. You can see it below. It felt more natural, mainly. I do like the underlying idea, though, and you'll see this stuff again soon.

Vomity August 7, 2019

Had a decent set at Vomity here in Olympia on Aug 7, 2019. I talk about some privileges I enjoy, and some I am jealous of.

sad puppy.. again!

Just the audio from Olympia Vomity on July 31, 2019. I've done this story before, but it's all good practice.

sad puppy story

It's been a long time! Here's a little story I told earlier this month about me and this sad homeless dude. This was at the Vomity open mic in Olympia, Washington on July 3, 2019.

live a good life

710 $how

My friends Tobey and Bret came to see open mic last night! It was a thin crowd. Five or six depending on how you count workers at the bistro taking breaks. We had a bit of fun, then spoke at length about comedy.

I did some of my arms jokes, talked about mountain climbing, hitch hiking, killing with CPR, some other stuff I might have forgotten, but finished the set with my vampire butt story. It was great. I was still feeling a bit under the weather, so didn't really work on anything new or whatever.

The good stuff happened after. Bret and Tobey left, and a new guy named Haimy (sp. hi-me) tried a couple off the cuff ideas. We talked most of the rest of the time about next steps and beginning comedy. Sara was working on material for a show this coming weekend. She was also talking throughout about what she was trying and how it was going for her. What struck me the most was a quick comment. She said simply "live a good life" and you'll have plenty of material.

It reminded me what I had noticed about writers and movie makers. There's a certain set of artists that do only their art. They write about writers. They make movies about making movies. It's what I've already been noticing in my own life. I have considered comedy and storytelling my main activities for a little while now, but I'm bored. I really do need something else. My favorite stories are often from work and other times when I'm really having a good time.

I think that's it. It's a decent lesson.

dreaming of geese

Technology sucks! I've had the same audio recording app on several phones in a row now, but it really doesn't like the new phone. I really just needed to change some settings, but didn't catch all of them even last night. I got a recording last night at Vomity, but when I turned the screen off and put the phone in my pocket, it muted the mic, as well.

I started talking about my being sick with a head cold and how that's really similar to being drunk or high. The guy before me made dead baby jokes in a song, so I started with how glad I was I had no kids.. because if they were boys, they'd be sons of Mitch! HA! I know.. whatever.

Then I tried telling about the goose dream I had where Ken and I stopped to pee and my keys flipped out of my hand and off towards some geese. For some reason, one started running towards the keys and I knew I wouldn't get there in time. I was able to step on the string part of my key ring, but the goose broke the key off and swallowed it anyway. I told Ken, but he was still busy and thought I was making up crap anyway. I looked back and thought I had lost the key-eater in the flock, but one of them started throwing up. I didn't know how I'd reach down to pick up the key, but as I thought or said that, the goose ejected the key right by my knee so I could just pull it out of his mouth.

Weird, right? That's what they all said, too.

open mics in Olympia

I didn't get any recordings this week. I did go to two different open mics this week. I just got home from the second, and decided I should at least write about them if I don't get a recording.

Last night was Vomity. The camera guy Cameron who had been there for some time has scheduling problems now, so I'm back to recording my own sets. I told two old standby bits.. New Relationship and Gadget Guy. They went really well, and some of the opening and in-between stuff was newer, but nothing stands out now as particularly amazing. I did apparently impress a dude who spoke with me for some time after. He was a little drunk, but it was definitely a confidence booster that he was so impressed with my stuff.

Tonight was my second time at a new mic called 710 Show. It's in Lacey, at the Green Lady weed shop. After everyone does a set, we did some workshop type stuff.. trying really new material.. asking and answering questions.. generally discussing comedy and stuff. I hemmed and hawed a bit, but did the same set as last night. I then told the good news/bad news story about the son who lost horses, found new ones, broke his leg, then missed out getting drafted for war. People had heard the story, but thought generally there was hope for livening it up into more funny versions. After others had their turn I told the one I've told before about the Arms Party where I ended up stuck with small arms. It was a fun night.

I'm thinking I need or would like to try really rough material at the Thursday workshop style open mic and then work on the material all week until the Wednesday mic. That would put me working on spicing up the good luck/bad luck story some and keeping it fast at three minutes. Let's see how that goes!

telling all

I'm finally admitting it. I have acted like it's all a joke, but I'm older than you think.

I tried this out at Vomity, Olympia's comedy open mic on March 13, 2019. You can see some of the other comedians on the Vomity YouTube Channel put together by Nuanced Films.

lost arms

Another silly story? Yeah! I know you love these! This was from Vomity in Olympia WA on March 6, 2019.

Cameron from Nuance Films caught a bunch of us that night! See everyone on the Vomity YouTube Channel.

frozen liver

I've told this story before as Why the Three Pigs Had to Go, but at Vomity on February 20, 2019, I just told the truth.

Thanks, as always, to Cameron Coly of Nuanced Films for his great work recording us all. See some of the other comics on the Vomity YouTube Channel.

tail of woe!

This is my story and I'm sticking to it! haha! I might tighten it up in places, but it was fun telling everyone why I call myself a t.rex even though I have no tail. This was again at Vomity, on Feb 13, 2019, in Olympia. I only got audio recorded, but I added some surprises in with my feeble editing skillz!

give a guy a hand

Another great video by Cameron at Nuanced Films. This was me at Vomity two days after my 49th birthday begging for robot arms at one point!

There are some other comedians on the Vomity YouTube Channel.. or come to Le Voyeur in Olympia any Wednesday at 9pm.

hands up!

This was my set at Olympia's comedy open mic called Vomity on January 30, 2019. I admit to an addiction and get pulled over by the police.

There's a whole channel for this open mic, called of all things the Vomity Channel. Click it to see other Olympia comics. Only comics who sign waivers are published on the YouTube channel, so to see the full glory of Vomity, you'll have to show up Wednesday nights at 9 at Le Voyeur (Facebook) in Olympia!

reach!!!

It's been a while! This is a little story I tried that needs some love eventually. It came from Jan 23 at Vomity in Olympia, WA. I only got audio recorded, but tried my hand at dubbing in some actions that make the audio clearer. There'll be better versions after a while!

falling in WY Walmart

Had a bad spill in December while I was leaving Walmart. I told Vomity about it on January 16, 2019. Cameron from Nuances Films captured it well, as usual! Other comics from that night can be seen on the Vomity YouTube channel.

"Free Big Bad!"

Please listen! I'm trying to get word out about my friend! He needs our support!

BOO! Vomity!

Yup! Halloween stories tonight! Video will go up later this week!

me and the kids

Anyone who knows me will realize I really love kids. I'm way more patient than most adults and love their curiosity and fresh look on the world!

I talked about kids in this set, but none of it was what I had planned to talk about and then time ran out...

notes
first things
.. eggs.. out of a chicken butt
.. okay.. tasty.. anything else?
.. elephants?

wine persian story
.. girl was kicked out of harem
.. she was depressed
.. .. unlike Olympia women
.. decided to kill herself
.. but with what
.. found a bucket of rotten grapes
.. ate it to poison herself
.. just made her fun again

.. invited right back into harem

fat man sees a doctor

This is from Vomity in Olympia, WA on Oct 17, 2018. I think I'll try posting my set notes and seeing how I did compared to what I wanted...

Notes
elephant in the room.. my butt
wore these camo shorts to hide
plus black stripe is vertical.. slimming
but if you look close, you might like?

and yes I'm using the stool
can’t even stand up 3 minutes
definitely not 6 if I run the light

I parked 2 blocks away
had to keep sitting to rest
probably ought to shave
made $20 just getting here

so.... gaining weight

went to the doctor for ideas
she said it's bad
.. diabetes.. morbidly obese
.. physical therapy for walking

kidding me? I'm disabled?

that'll be confusing
.. like this

popcorn story with Tom

second time in Olympia!

I got on stage again! I noticed it's been over a year. Hope you all enjoy this little bit of fun I had last night! My friend was recording for me and changed orientation in mid-stream. Don't get dizzy! haha!

meeting children

This is what I got recorded the other night in Idaho.

I've been "hibernating" or something this winter. I hadn't done any serious comedy or storytelling or anything since February and even longer before that. That all ended this last week. I went to a storytelling retreat up in Washington with a real live traveling companion! We had a great time!

On the way home, we stopped at the Crescent Brewery in Nampa, Idaho. I posted about it beforehand and was surprised to find out my dad, his sister, all his brothers another aunt and a cousin were in town. They all piled into the bar to cheer me on! My dad even got on stage for the first time, too.

vampire butt

Tonight I demonstrated what happens when I talk to children about what they think made me the way I am. Kids are awesome little genius storytellers. Thanks Niff, Joe and Luke!

I recorded this at Wiseguys Comedy in Salt Lake City on Dec 7, 2016.

arms party

I tried a new story-style set Wednesday night at Wiseguys Comedy Club. It came out pretty good, but I can see where it slows down and already have ideas to punch it up.

A while ago, when I was starting comedy, Marcus Hardy hosted the open mic one night and gave me the initial idea behind this story. My buddy Joe, who rides to school with me each day, helped me flesh out some of the backstory, you could call it.

I've been trying this idea of writing a little story for open mic each Wednesday when I'm in Salt Lake City. Two weeks ago, on Nov 2, I tried the first one of these. I heard my best reviews ever from other comics that night. I didn't get a recording, but I am planning to tell an expanded version of that story at Tellabration in Olympia on Nov 25.

street money

At open mic at Wiseguys, I mostly worked on arranging material. Except for one new joke, I was using older material, but playing around with tightening up bits and seeing where it all feels best. I need to do this a bit more often at some of the open mics that let me have longer than three minutes.

It's definitely an art! I like experimenting and just generally practicing being on stage. I'm told I'm going to hate these videos in a while. We'll see... It's good for other beginners to see how long it really takes to get good at comedy, I think.

Also, the comic before me spent her 3 minutes saying the word "pussy" 15 times, so I had to comment on it right up front.

church kids

Woops! It's been way too long! Here's the video from last night's open mic at Wiseguys.

Also, check out and subscribe to my YouTube channel for any videos you may have missed!

zen cleaning

Hey there! It's been over a month since I got an open mic set recorded. This was at Wiseguys Comedy in Salt Lake City, UT. I was just trying to get back into it, so I threw out a couple stories.

growing up

Here's what I got March 30, 2016 at Wiseguys open mic in Salt Lake City. I spent some time perusing and adapting t.rex jokes I found on the internet.

new relationship!!!

Big new!! A new friend in my life! Finally, after years of thinking it would never happen again! I told everyone about it at Wiseguys open mic on March 23, 2016.

lesbian wine?

Always have fun at Wiseguys open mics! Didn't get video this time, but here's what I was working on that night.

lesbian wine?

from my comedy channel on archive.org

teaching ASL

Stuck to some basics at open mic the other night. This was Feb 24, 2016 at Wiseguys in Salt Lake City, UT. Have you noticed I'm actually standing up for most of my sets lately? I actually felt just a twinge of weakness towards the end of this longer set, but all went well!

why wine?

I was talking to my nephew about stuff and wondered how wine became an industry in Italy. This is some of my wondering, plus a little story-let about it. This was from open mic at Wiseguys Comedy in Salt Lake City, UT on Feb 17, 2016.

old man butt

Had fun earlier this month at Wiseguys Comedy in Salt Lake City, Utah! Found out I'm disabled! Who would of thought! This was from Feb 3, 2016.

hobby hands

Here I am back at Wiseguys! This was from Wed, Jan 20, 2016.

It's almost the exact same routine as a couple weeks ago, but I got video captured this time. The wording is a little different as well as a different audience. I'll have to work out which parts are better between the two, but I really like the concept. There may be more like this soon.

ice climbing and teaching ASL

My camera slid down just as I was getting on stage, so no video, but I recovered the audio from my set at Wiseguys open mic Wednesday night. I was rambling on about my latest adventures.

Here's what I got recorded.

ice climbing and teaching ASL

from my comedy channel on archive.org

my friend Tracey

I've known my friend Tracey for 23 years now. She's the inspiration for some funny stuff over the years!

meeting Portland

Friday the 13th isn't always as bad as all that. This last one, I got to meet some comics at an open mic in Portland. "Portland Love" is a real thing! I can't wait to get up there again!

Here's what I got recorded.

bad days

ah!! Conedy! Open mic is fun. A place to try stuff out. I'd been doing the same stuff for a while now, but the whole time kicking myself for not having new material.

In my other world as a storyteller, I've been learning all about the need to be true to myself and vulnerable. Last night I learned it can work in comedy, too. Even talking about bad days. This video starts with whining a little about how rough my life has been, which I'd been feeling the last couple days.

In the end, my nature is to just pick up and move on. Mom taught me that. when she would tell us to clean up a mess. Like all kids, the instant reply was "...but I didn't make the mess!"

She just said, "I didn't ask how the mess got here, I asked you to clean it up!" The focus isn't on blame, or how I got where I am -- the focus is on what do I do now!

hitchhiking

Wednesday night open mic at Wiseguys Comedy in West Valley City, UT! Mic drop! Mixing up the jokes!

All my videos are up on my YouTube channel: a t.rex walks in...

gadgets & kids in sports

No actual video, this time, but a couple fun stories from Wiseguys Comedy open mic the other night.

baby bird

I have been lax in recording the last couple weeks. This last Wednesday, though, I got a good recording from open mic at Wiseguys Comedy.

popcorn popping

Still having fun at open mic night at Wiseguys! Tonight, I tried an audience participation joke that went quite well! I'm thinking no more shorts, though.

I'm stashing my comedy videos on their own YouTube channel (link: a t.rex walks in . . .) if you're interested in perusing all my old videos. I watched them newest to oldest, and it made me depressed. I'll have to make sure and review the other direction so I can see improvement!

little johnny

Had fun doing a jokes for open mic at Wiseguys again.

Before t.rex, way back when I was much skinnier, my buddy Cody said I looked like the Homo habilis he was learning about in school. That's the evolution guy who can't quite stand fully upright in the ages of man pictures.

Little Johnny was the homeless guy I talk about. He ended up pointing us to where we could find some hookers if we were still bored!

hobo zoo

haha! Just noticed emcee Marcus said "Aaaah! That was funny! Give him a hands!"

Another good night last Wednesday at Wiseguys Comedy in West Valley City. Tried a couple new bits. I'll keep honing them. Fun as always, though!

am I ableist?

I haven't been recording every open mic at Wiseguys Comedy lately, but I got another one tonight. I didn't really try anything extremely new. Just the bit at the beginning about me and this other dude being "ableist" which I hadn't heard of before. Had a little fun with Jay Whittaker, the emcee, before and after, as well. Here it is:

awkward moments

Another night at Wiseguys Comedy last night!

I started with "pay attention" as I set up the stool, then announced my dad was a t.rex. It went over well. The idea came from Jacob Leigh, and went as well as he promised! The rest of the time I kind of just had the theme awkward moments. I talked about the kid at the drinking fountain, and also getting put into a cop car at the school break-in.

It felt really smooth finally. Don't know what the difference was. Maybe just practice and experience. I didn't record it, either, so no video this time. I wonder if that frantic setting up recording right before is what made the difference.

driving poorly

Another night at Wiseguys open mic in SLC. I really thought this went worse than it did. I'm glad I record these. It'll help me see progress and already helps me not be so hard on myself.

meeting people (open mic video)

So here's last night's performance! Well, sort of. My battery died, so the last minute cut out. I recorded the ending separately and attached it at the end this morning.

I thought it went pretty well. If you compare my notes (the last post), you'll notice I completely missed my t.rex joke!

As always, let me know what you think!

meeting people (notes)

Tonight's notes for open mic at Wiseguys Comedy in SLC. Video hopefully later!

---

So you may have noticed I’m … uhhh … you know … recognizable??
If you see me on the street tomorrow, you’ll know you saw me here tonight.
Me? I’ll be wondering who the hell you are. Plus, I’m old, so it’s even worse!

---

When I first moved here, I went to Taco Bell one day. They were polite, and the food was ... yeah ... Taco Bell. The exact second time I went, though, the manager goes:
I’ll just GIVE you the drink.
You’re here all the time!

---

Free stuff is always good!
But you all keep me laughing, as well! People really stumble over how to just ask the obvious question:
What’s wrong with your hands?

A couple weeks ago, Christopher Titus straight up asked me.
He’s the rare adult, though.

Kids are waaay better at it. They just ask ... and ask ... and ask!
I usually just patiently say:
I was born like that.

---

One time, though, I didn’t warn a friend that I’d gotten sick of being polite about it. So when some poor kid asked the usual:
What’s wrong with your hands?

I started in on how I’d been in a horrible plane accident.

The kid was impressed, but my friend tried lecturing me about how rude I was.
Right??

Now, thanks to my new buddy, Jacob Leigh, I have an even better response:

I’ll just look them straight in the eye and say:
WHAT!!!? So my mom slept with a T.REX! What do YOU care?

---

But sometimes even the kids are shy. Especially when they have someone eles to ask.

I went to church for the first time with my new roommate, Mike. He’s one of those cool guys who all the kids loved.

After the meeting, I headed to the bathroom, and apparently, all the kids gathered around Mike.
They all started asking him questions about me.
Is that your new roommate?
What’s his name?

Then, of course, they got to the usual:
What’s wrong with his hands?

Mike didn’t really know what to say, so he said:
Nothing, why?

One of the boys dropped his jaw in horrified wonder!
HAVEN’T you NOTICED?

---

So I’m Mitch Nelson. Thanks for coming out tonight!

second open mic!

I was traveling, so I missed open mic night at Wiseguys last week. I got up again last night, but didn't get a recording. I started by specifically telling the audience to watch while I got the stool and mic set up, then talked about how I look like a T-Rex. Did a couple waves (hi, peace, flipping off, etc.) then tried out the story about finding the zen place and the road rage while scrambling to get to it.

People were polite and laughed at some parts. Wish I had it recorded, though. I'll go back again next week and generally keep at it.

comedy virgin no more!

Another hobby! Comedy!

I've been to a couple "open mic" nights and the Wiseguys Comedy here in Salt Lake City. The other night, I actually tried it!

Here's what I got recorded: